I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I deserve this hangover.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
