Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
