is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
