Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
