so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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