Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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