I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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