Define "chronic" masturbator.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
