I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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