if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
