While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
