Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
