I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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