We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's rum buckets o'clock
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
