i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
