I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The struggles of a small town man whore
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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