I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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