apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
