He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
