I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
