I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
