Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
