Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
