I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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