the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
