Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
