i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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