Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
