I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
