remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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