A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
