I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
