forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
