My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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