Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
