i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ketchup is God's man juice
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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