dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
