Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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