it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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