You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
