I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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