the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
