I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
