The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
