It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
