I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
