Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
