the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
