i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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