coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
