I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
