You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't turn off my feet"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
