This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
