i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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