My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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