u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
