Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
