Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize