My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
